While I was in New Orleans last weekend for ALA, I realized that not only do most of the people I know not know that we're adopting, I have no idea how to bring it up.
It isn't that I'm embarrassed or uncomfortable with the adoption, it's just a weird thing to bring up out of the blue. "Hey, have you seen the video where the Comcast guy falls asleep on the couch? By the way, I'm adopting a child from Guatemala." "Yes, I think it's a very good idea to load our electronic journal titles in our catalog. Not to completely change the subject, but my wife and I are adopting a child from Guatemala."
I imagine every expectant father has this issue. You're not keeping it from people, but you don't want it to be a big deal, either. The obvious difference between adoption and having a child naturally, of course, is that Selena's going through this, too.
I realized how awkward this was on Sunday night at the Ex Libris reception when my friend Carol overheard me telling somebody that I didn't even know about Che. I talk to Carol nearly every day. She had no idea. I don't think she was upset or anything, but she was totally taken by surprise. At the same time, since I primarily communicate with her via IM, email or blog comments, how do you bring this up out of the blue?
I think approaching these more casual relationships is difficult. Friends that I mainly communicate with electronically, former coworkers that I still keep in touch with (or run into), drinking buddies, all of the above -- none of these are friendships that I'm ever terribly "serious" or "open" in. Unless conversation just so happens to go in a direction that is relevant for bringing it up, it feels awkward and contrived to just "bring it up". Like an alcoholic that's on the step where they have to "apologize to all the people they've hurt". Both parties are at a loss as to what to say next and I think person on the "receiving end" has the even more uncomfortable burden of having to react to something that's roughly akin to seeing a shrubbery grow out of my forehead. I think "fatherhood" seems pretty out of character with my "public persona".
On the flip side, it'll be even more awkward when they see me with my "wheat colored baby".
2 comments:
The Dads (and Moms) I've known, always just have to say, "Guess what? We're having a baby!" Right out of the blue. Don't worry about shrubbery...most folks go straight to "CONGRATULATIONS!" You can go into the details from there. ;-)
Aw hey, don't worry about it. It was one of those really awesome surprises. Hopefully I wasn't too busy choking on my crab puff thingy to say congrats. If I was, then congrats!
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